By Risë Birnbaum
I’ve already confessed I watch these shows. And trust me, I know fact from fiction and scripted from off-the-cuff, but it’s just too much fun to watch the show and text a former college roommate at the same time. In a nutshell it’s Monday night entertainment for 10 weeks and now big-time withdrawal. Is there an app for that?
Naturally, I was furiously texting during the big Finale when Andi Dorfman picked Josh Murray over Nick Viall and my fingers flew during “After the Final Rose” when all hell broke loose on LIVE TV.
First, thank goodness Andi let the Farmer go. Was this Jewish lawyer from Atlanta about to plant corn in Iowa or Kansas or wherever Farmer Chris is from? Don’t think so.
And she let Farmer go because she didn’t feel like giving him an invite to the infamous Fantasy Suite where all kinds of huggin’ and kissin’ and lovin’ take place. I mean schtupping three guys on a network show is at least one too many. If it were cable, it could have been three…maybe four…at a time.
So, Andi is left with two guys. Nick, who’s extremely vulnerable and a bit pussy-whipped because he’s been hurt before, and Josh, a pro baseball player who sounds like he got hit in the head with a fast pitch without a helmet.
Think you know the ending by now. Andi knocks on Nick’s door before he has a chance to propose to tell him she got this feeling that very morning that it just wasn’t going to work. Ouch. Poor Nick. The guy needed a valium drip and a stretcher. He was completely stunned and shell shocked as he wheeled away his suitcase filled with plaid shirts and blue kicks.
So, Josh won the prize. Or did he? To me they’re perfect for each other. One bitchy, defensive woman and one muscle-bound meat head. I mean could his suit get any tighter? Could he be any dumber?
But it gets better…or should I say makes for better TV when Nick comes on live (after several failed attempts) to sit down with Andi to find some “closure.” The guy was basically tongue-tied except for asking Andi (who must have been paid six figures to sit next to Nick on the sofa) why she made love to him in the fantasy suite if she didn’t really love him. That was when the claws came out and Andi spat out that Nick was hitting below the belt.
Bottom line is Andi became incredibly defensive and Nick never got the closure he was looking for. I honestly think that Nick meant it when he said the night in the fantasy suite was “fiancée” stuff to him, and I feel for the guy.
Happy ending? Not so fast. Think Andi and Josh will last about two months and Josh will be on anti-depressants and do some shrink time for some time to come. But, I really hope he ends up with a woman nicer than Andi Dorfmanm, which shouldn’t be all that tough.
As for my withdrawal? Heck, Bachelor in Paradise starts again Monday.