And I’m really glad Juan Pablo is gone.

By Risë Birnbaum

This season was no bed of roses.   Juan Pablo Galavis, the latest bachelor, was the perfecto example of arrogant bastardo.  Every week I’d text a friend for two hours straight during the show and we’d talk about the fact the guy had absolutely zero to say except:  “you’re special.”  Unfortunately he called all the girls “special” at some point in the series.  Another running joke was senor peabrain would say “eeets OK” to just about any situation that came up.  I mean you could have fallen out of a palm tree and cracked your head open and El Bachelor would have said, “eeets OK.”

In short, the handsome jerk was rude, stubborn, dumb, macho and just plain mean.  The only things he had going for him were his stubble and smile.  I mean the guy’s not getting into MENSA anytime soon.

If you scan the news, you’ll see I’m not alone in my sketchy TV viewing habits.  Millions have tuned in to see this South American playboy, “Don Juan” Pablo, sweet talk his way with the women…all the way into bed with a few unlucky ones.

There were a few lucky ones who realized there really wasn’t much to him and left the show mid season.  Whew.  Close call.  But, poor Clare and Nikki, the two finalists!!

Here’s the deal on the last show and no need for spoiler alerts now.  Clare and JP went up for a copter ride when she told him she loved him.  That paved the way for the schmo of the show to say something crude and lewd back.  Clare was upset, but seemed to get over it on the night time date based on something really confusing JP said.  I mean, Chris Harrison didn’t even get where Juan Pablo was coming from, so how could we?

So, on to the proposal setting.  Lush St. Lucia.  Palms trees, flowers, waterfalls, and dumbass Juan Pablo.  First he gives Clare the brush off, but she gives as good as she gets.  And then it’s bended-knee time.  Nikki, the last blond standing, spends five minutes telling JP how much she loves him and he says what any brainless guy says, “I have the diamond ring in my pocket, but I’m not going to give it to you.”  Instead, he gives her…a rose and says he likes her…”a lot.”

My best guess is it’s a miracle if these two are really still together.  The best piece of advice I can give Nikki at this post-Bachelor moment in time is:  RUN!

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